Wednesday, August 29, 2012


The other day I was walking to the library when I cam across, of all things, a dildo on the sidewalk.
It was purple
slightly sparkly
and had clearly vibrated or something at some point because it was broken and I could see it's broken mechanics lying out on the sidewalk.

To be honest it didn't really register at first what I was seeing.

I just stared down at the ground with a sort of noplussed expression. My mind went,
"Oh hey, that's a dildo." and I stared at it blankly for a moment as if it's completely natural to find broken and dirty sex toys on the streets of a small town.
I walked away and then stopped as my mind finally caught up and said,
"Dude, what the hell?!"

Why on earth did someone toss a broken dildo on the ground?

Perhaps some girl had gotten a new paramour (human or rubber, I don't judge) and was so fed up with this abomination of silicone and glitter that she hurled it from her car.

Perhaps another woman took to carrying her "unmentionables" around in her purse and it fell out.

Perhaps it broke and the owner was too lazy to toss it in the garbage...but not lazy enough to carry it around and throw it on the sidewalk .

Perhaps the owner was scared of her parents finding it and tossed it on the sidewalk so it wouldn't be seen in the garbage.

Perhaps a group of teenagers were dicking around with it (pun intended) and tossed it from a car or just dropped it on the sidewalk.

Either way...gross.

Look, your dildo has no place on my sidewalk. I shudder to imagine if I had been walking my dog or  with my sister when I found that.

It's unsanitary (presuming it's been used)

and ultimately!...It's hilarious. Dear God did I find the situation ridiculous. That's just not something you see everyday.

So readers, watch out for stray sex toys and let me know about your findings. I'd like to think I'm not the only one whose ever been in a situation like this.

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