Sunday, May 6, 2012


Back in high school I used to play a game with my friends called "Assassination."

Before I get into this I feel like I have to say something. Normally I'm a very good speller, but just a moment ago I was adamant that it was spelled "assasination."  When the little red line kept popping up I basically went:
before I figured it out. Hahaha, I'm just kidding. I wasn't sitting at my desk.

Anyhow, "playing assassination." Now I'm not sure how this game got started, but all we did was run up to each other, swipe a finger or two across their neck and had therefore "assassinated" them.
Some of us were better at it than others. Like my friend Tigger.

I had always prided myself on having quick reflexes and for always being aware of my surroundings. Therefore This game upset me greatly. I often wasn't expecting to get "assassinated." See, we'd play for about a week, and then suddenly things would die down, and then out of nowhere I would be chatting with a friend when they would just reach out and stroke my neck and shouting "assassinated!" I would then dodge these attacks, which some friends would get annoyed at. I would also often dodge and then assassinate them before they could even touch me and they would then say I couldn't do that.
They would always claim that they had already touched my neck, but I knew better, I was a deadly assassin.

I don't know why I'm wearing an eye patch...I just thought it looked pretty badass.

Eventually the game just sorta died down, but every so often one of us would grow very sneaky and try to pull a quick assassination on someone else.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Quotes from my friends

Over the past 8 months or so Ive just been quoting conversations and sayings from my you go. Please take a glimpse into the awkward conversations that happen in my life. (Gabe is my roommate, Laura is my future roommate, Bennifer is Gabe and I's next door neighbor and good friend and Kylen is another good friend)

“(getting a g-spot orgasm) and then it’ll never happen again. Like getting a combo in a video game.”

“What is the sound of two balls juggling?”

Bennifer:“I’d eat hot sauce off a nipple.”
El:“I wouldn’t put hot sauce on a nipple!”

“It’s like vajazzling.”

“I’m full of rice and cheese and beans. If you shook me up I could become a sandwich.”
“Some form of dish is waiting inside me, like a Mexican dish. I could become nachos.”

“Fuck you bunny! Face me like a man!”

“Damn El, you aren’t even playing!”

“I just wanna play a meaningless game that brings me joy.”

“There’s a reason most early Irish literature is lost, it sucks.”

“It gave me a map…I do like maps.”

“I will find you Joe Calderone. I will find you and stare at you for a little while.”


“It’s okay, I’m black Korean.”

“They’re just a tiny people with tiny penises; it’s not fair to put them up against regular people.”
~Gabe (when I informed him on the average length of a Japanese man’s penis)

“Except for the North Koreans, that’s not even about being Asian, that’s just karma.”

“That would have to be a pretty flexible erect penis because usually erect penises are, you know, hard.”

El: *snorts*
Gabe: King Bumi what are you doing here?

Gabe: Give me a random major
El: business….fucking business majors, the sworn enemy of all theatre majors.

El: Yesh thatsh right

Gabe: I can’t bust down a muthafuckin’ door with muthafuckin’ dual wielding guns like freeze mothatfucka!
El: You sounded like you were about to start a rap there.


“God is so tsundere”

“Stephen King is so tsundere.”

Bennifer: We could be like a dubstep song.
Laura: Yeah totally, Kylen start throwing things at the wall.

“Hot pot fuck it!”

“Excuse me, when did my roommate become a velociraptor?”

“This shall now be my religious zealot voice.”

“Congrats on not killing anyone.”

Gabe: “I want one of those women I-Get me a prostitute!”
El: “Sure, I’ll save up my money and buy you a whore.”
Gabe: “I gave you a bagel”

Gabe” “They fell asleep as she was riding them and she was like ‘well shit son! Hey you-!’”
El: “You there! Slave boy. Attend to my pussy.”
(on Empress Theodora)

“You’re (El in ghoul makeup) so cute you Satanic little Samara.”

“I guess a twerking zombie girl isn’t that erotic.”

“(to El) Cristopher Walken get out of my room! DON’T PEE ON THE FLOOR CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!!!”

(well you see, I did a Walken impression and Gabe freaked out and I collapsed on the ground laughing and clutching my stomach. I figured I should clarify.)

“It’s not stupid it’s abstract.”

“Teen mudder…nine months of trubble.”

El: What just flew out of nowhere?
Laura: Your mother in a wetsuit, covered in nacho cheese.

“Period is that you?!”

El: Look if we can be sexual to our food we can speak romantically to it as well.
Gabe: Yeah, take our food out for a nice…meal?

“Fuck that, you think I got time to eat all that shit before school? Fuck that balanced breakfast. I a’int drinking a glass of orange juice and a glass of milk, I’ll have to pee all day!”

El: Hey look “I’M MOTHERFUCKIN KAWAII DESU DESU!”……that’s how I read it in my head anyway…
Gabe: My friend is not a black woman…

“Suddenly Walt Disney was like  ‘let’s pump it up’!”

“Keep your mirth to a minimum.”

~El (anytime Gabe starts laughing hysterically)

“Mario Party…wait fuck! No!”
~El (video game title to explain your sex life)

“There’s a Metallica concert going on in my stomach.”

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Breakfast at The Jellies

So last night I watched a movie with 2 of my friends.
Here's some info on my friends.
In my college I belong to an elite (notreally) group of 7 girls. We are the Biddies.
C.M. (aka Orange Marmalade/O.M.)
Rose Dawson
and me.
These are all code names...except for Laura...anyhow.

Actually earlier that day Laura and I had fun as well. I made a very on the spot decision the night previously that I wanted to dye my hair. So Laura agreed, we went to CVS, and yesterday, hair was dyed...and it was dyed well. I felt pretty cool. We cordoned ourselves off in a stall and Laura proceeded to massage my head with dye (that stung for a moment) and then to wash my hair. I wasn't even able to see because water and dye was dripping down my face so I had to feel my way around the stall to find paper towels. But in the end it worked out and my hair looked great.
Moving on.

So Apricot, C.M. and I were all hanging out in Apricots dorm. We decided to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's.

It was glorious. About halfway through we realized we didn't even care about the plot, we just loved watching Audrey be fabulous.
Look at her. She's perfect. Apricot and I are now deeply in love with her and will be fighting for her love forevermore.
Later we decided to start a girl band. This happened due to this conversation
A: Audrey is just perfect, I love her.
Me: but I love her!
A: yeah, but I've already called her!
Me: but-!
A: U JELLY?!?!?

and then I was like "hey, what if we were a girl band and our stage names were things like 'Raspberry Jam'?"

Obviously they loved the idea.
So I'm Raspberry Jam. Apricot is Strawberry Preserves, and C.M. is now Orange Marmalade. We are the Jellies and Orange Marmalade decided that we would sing Beach Boys covers.

Would you pay to see us?