Friday, May 4, 2012

Quotes from my friends

Over the past 8 months or so Ive just been quoting conversations and sayings from my you go. Please take a glimpse into the awkward conversations that happen in my life. (Gabe is my roommate, Laura is my future roommate, Bennifer is Gabe and I's next door neighbor and good friend and Kylen is another good friend)

“(getting a g-spot orgasm) and then it’ll never happen again. Like getting a combo in a video game.”

“What is the sound of two balls juggling?”

Bennifer:“I’d eat hot sauce off a nipple.”
El:“I wouldn’t put hot sauce on a nipple!”

“It’s like vajazzling.”

“I’m full of rice and cheese and beans. If you shook me up I could become a sandwich.”
“Some form of dish is waiting inside me, like a Mexican dish. I could become nachos.”

“Fuck you bunny! Face me like a man!”

“Damn El, you aren’t even playing!”

“I just wanna play a meaningless game that brings me joy.”

“There’s a reason most early Irish literature is lost, it sucks.”

“It gave me a map…I do like maps.”

“I will find you Joe Calderone. I will find you and stare at you for a little while.”


“It’s okay, I’m black Korean.”

“They’re just a tiny people with tiny penises; it’s not fair to put them up against regular people.”
~Gabe (when I informed him on the average length of a Japanese man’s penis)

“Except for the North Koreans, that’s not even about being Asian, that’s just karma.”

“That would have to be a pretty flexible erect penis because usually erect penises are, you know, hard.”

El: *snorts*
Gabe: King Bumi what are you doing here?

Gabe: Give me a random major
El: business….fucking business majors, the sworn enemy of all theatre majors.

El: Yesh thatsh right

Gabe: I can’t bust down a muthafuckin’ door with muthafuckin’ dual wielding guns like freeze mothatfucka!
El: You sounded like you were about to start a rap there.


“God is so tsundere”

“Stephen King is so tsundere.”

Bennifer: We could be like a dubstep song.
Laura: Yeah totally, Kylen start throwing things at the wall.

“Hot pot fuck it!”

“Excuse me, when did my roommate become a velociraptor?”

“This shall now be my religious zealot voice.”

“Congrats on not killing anyone.”

Gabe: “I want one of those women I-Get me a prostitute!”
El: “Sure, I’ll save up my money and buy you a whore.”
Gabe: “I gave you a bagel”

Gabe” “They fell asleep as she was riding them and she was like ‘well shit son! Hey you-!’”
El: “You there! Slave boy. Attend to my pussy.”
(on Empress Theodora)

“You’re (El in ghoul makeup) so cute you Satanic little Samara.”

“I guess a twerking zombie girl isn’t that erotic.”

“(to El) Cristopher Walken get out of my room! DON’T PEE ON THE FLOOR CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!!!”

(well you see, I did a Walken impression and Gabe freaked out and I collapsed on the ground laughing and clutching my stomach. I figured I should clarify.)

“It’s not stupid it’s abstract.”

“Teen mudder…nine months of trubble.”

El: What just flew out of nowhere?
Laura: Your mother in a wetsuit, covered in nacho cheese.

“Period is that you?!”

El: Look if we can be sexual to our food we can speak romantically to it as well.
Gabe: Yeah, take our food out for a nice…meal?

“Fuck that, you think I got time to eat all that shit before school? Fuck that balanced breakfast. I a’int drinking a glass of orange juice and a glass of milk, I’ll have to pee all day!”

El: Hey look “I’M MOTHERFUCKIN KAWAII DESU DESU!”……that’s how I read it in my head anyway…
Gabe: My friend is not a black woman…

“Suddenly Walt Disney was like  ‘let’s pump it up’!”

“Keep your mirth to a minimum.”

~El (anytime Gabe starts laughing hysterically)

“Mario Party…wait fuck! No!”
~El (video game title to explain your sex life)

“There’s a Metallica concert going on in my stomach.”

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